moshiwakenai

Is the somewhat formal way to apologize in Japanese, and more literally means "there's no excuse..." It's been a while since my last post, moushiwakenai. And I'm afraid I have no exciting excuses to let me off the hook, so I do hope my attentive viewers forgive me and don't start ignoring this url.
I have maybe been a little bit busier lately, trying harder and harder to come up with a basic plan for next year. Not to mention organizing my trip back home, which is slightly exasperated by simultaneously existing in two different places, thousands of miles apart. My family is this very moment making their way to Florida, where their Jewish blood has inevitably guided them. Specifically, their next destination is Gainseville, a nice-looking college town outside of Jacksonville. North Florida isn't famed for its high-minded cosmopolitan culture, but the college should attract enough snobby pretentious stuff to amuse everyone. But perhaps this will be a time to reflect on that age old question, "how far can you REALLY take a Jew from New York?" My parents new adventure will be yet another case study in the ongoing debate.

But if you're reading MY blog, you'd probably like to know about what I'M doing, right. If only I could really answer you. Maybe it's living a pseudo modern suburban Robinson Crusoe lifestyle in Japan, or my silly job, or just being 22 and lost, but I think I'm finding myself in the midst of what I would like to dramatically call an existential crisis. A few things have brought this on.
Japanese: It's the language that everyone speaks here, mostly exclusive to all other languages. It's also a language that I find very difficult to really wrap my brain around, and still have trouble communicating with it. And forget about being able to read or write.

Work: a friendly young English-speaking co-worker left my school in march and was replaced by a nice middle-aged woman who speaks little English, has never been a teacher (or a worker) and is simply terrified by everything and everyone. She tried to use the computer briefly but I'm not sure could really fully grasp the coordination of the mouse and keyboard and how they affected the image on the monitor. While not really a natural ability, this is the year 2007, and she only lives 100km from Tokyo, Japan, a hive of just about any high technology that exists. What this means for me is that the class we teach "together" is in fact left to the more experienced of the two, which, unbelievably, is me. Working outside the confines of the crappy text books is a relief, but I have no training (formal OR informal) on being a real teacher, and what incredibly vague "training" I have received is along the lines of time-filler games and warm up activities and other cute little add-ons. But that doesn't cut it for 50 minutes every week in a class of 36 kids. But I teach this "international class" (hahahah) to 4 sections of 13-14 yr olds, and each class is about 36 uniformed kids with the same attitude that most 13-14 year olds everywhere approach school: "I'm only here because I have to be." This a new responsibility for me in a job that previously required little in that department, and I'll have to see how it actually goes. I feel a bit of an accomplishment when I think things go pretty well, but more often then not I wonder if the kids are as lost as I am.
This leads to the question, what WILL I do with this job. I've been discussing with my supervisor about taking leave this summer (I want extra leave because of the wide distance between my two homes) while not using up all of my vacation days. Essentially I asked for unpaid leave (my summer would otherwise be paid desk sitting). Based on the continued vagueness of his answers I can only assume he can't approve my request. But I really don't think I'll get in too much trouble for not going to work when I in fact have no work. I know my school doesn't care, and the only potential problem would be a paper one. If it turns out to be a real problem, well then I'm afraid I'll have to say goodbye, and try to leave on the friendliest terms possible and make sure to get a letter of reference from someone before I leave.

At the very least I'll finish this contract in July, and then I'll come home between mid July and mid August (more specific dates and itinerary to follow asap). Then I plan on coming back, and working and saving money and doing whatever else I can until December, when I would like to take a trip to and explore Amber's homeland. As long as I get to pet a koala and almost get bit by 10 kinds of venomous snakes, I'll be happy. From there I'd have to return to Japan to take care of all my stuff, and prepare for that next step. Maybe I don't have the focus just yet for grad school, but I'd at least to plant myself with another job/internship closer to friends and family. I won't assign a date to come home, as I imagine it would depend on what I can find.

I'm homesick and part of me wants to just bag the dumb job and come home. But when I pull myself out of my funk of self-pity I conclude that its much better to come home with a little more to show. Maybe a little more language, a little more money, and a few more interesting experiences about Japan to share back home. I hope this makes sense to people.

I'll stop blabbering this time, but I want to wish my sister happy travels in France. I know she'll love it, and I hope she is right now. What a nice city Paris is, even with all the dog poop. Safe travels shmoo, and I hope you have at least as much fun as you did here in Japan (but not MORE fun).
Ogenki de

Aaron